here’s to weekly article series on therapy wisdom on random therapist thoughts put into better edited blog post like this.
disclaimer: my posts & content are not a replacement for therapy. the information contained in my posts is general information for educational purposes only.
“Excellent practice with highly trained clinicians who truly care about their clients’ well-being. Highly recommend to anyone seeking psychotherapy!”
Rebecca Johnson, CA, USA
These are several examples of boundaries you deserve to have:
1. Physical boundaries
Physical boundaries address your needs for personal space, your comfort with physical touches and your basic needs to rest, eat and drink.
For example, some people find it to be completely comforting and acceptable to hug and kiss upon the first meeting. While others find it to be invasive and uncomfortable. It varies in individuals. Therefore, what might be acceptable and comfortable for you might not be for others. This is why it is crucial to set boundaries and let others know of your limits. It is completely okay to inform others of your limits
and your wants of space.
Healthy physical boundaries may sound like these:
- I feel uncomfortable with hugs. Shall we shake hands instead?
- Do not touch my face without my permission.
- My room is my personal space. Could you knock on the door before entering?
When you find yourself in physical situations that bring about anxiety and discomfort, there is a chance your physical boundary is being violated. Being firm and vocal on your boundary can help make you feel safe and confident.
2. Emotional boundaries
Emotional boundaries address the limits of your internal emotional experience. Setting emotional boundaries helps you to recognize just how much emotional energy you are capable of taking in from others. Alongside other emotional interactions that could drain your energy. To know your emotional boundary is to now when to share and when not to share information to others. Knowing when to limit emotional sharing to people that respond poorly is also a form of emotional boundary.
Respecting emotional boundaries would mean validating feelings of others and respecting their abilities to take in informational information.
These are some examples of violations of emotional boundary:
- When you take responsibility for other people’s feelings and actions
- Allowing other people’s feelings dictate yours
- By sacrificing your own (emotional) needs to please others
- “Emotionally dumping” on others without their consent
- Criticizing, dismissing and invalidating feelings
It is crucial to be aware of your limits and your tolerance level of your emotional experience with others. Otherwise, it could deteriorate your mental health.
Healthy emotional boundaries may sound like these:
- I’m going through something difficult myself. I am not in a place to take in more
information and hear out what is on your mind. Do you think we can come back to
having this conversation later? - Something terrible happened to me last night. Do you think you are in a place to
listen? - I’m aware that we don’t go through the exact same thing in life. But whenever you
dismiss my struggles and problems, it makes me feel invalidated and bad. - After listening to a friend’s struggles, I am allowed to emotionally recuperate by
going to a party without feeling guilty
3. Sexual boundaries
Sexual boundaries address the importance of consent, respect and understanding of preferences, desires and privacy. Setting sexual boundaries are important in all types of relationships you have. Be it between friends, or even your spouses. Sexual boundaries could include the discussion of contraceptives and asking for consent.
Violations of sexual boundaries include:
- Unwanted touch
- Not asking for consents
- Sulking, punishing or providing an ultimatum when someone does not want to engage in sexual acts
- Lying about contraceptive use
- Lying about health history
Everyone’s sexual preferences and desires differ. It is important to recognize yours and communicate them across your sexual partner(s) when engaging in sexual acts
to ensure your safety and comfort.
Healthy sexual boundaries sound like these:
- “Is this comfortable for you?”
- “Would you be open to trying out this?”
- “Would you like me to use a condom?”
- “Could we cuddle instead?”
Don’t be afraid to communicate your desires and your limits to your partners. Voice out and be consistent with your boundaries. Don’t stay quiet to please others at the
expense of your own health and happiness.
“Excellent practice with highly trained clinicians who truly care about their clients’ well-being. Highly recommend to anyone seeking psychotherapy!”
Rebecca Johnson, CA, USA
These are several examples of boundaries you deserve to have:
1. Physical boundaries
Physical boundaries address your needs for personal space, your comfort with physical touches and your basic needs to rest, eat and drink.
For example, some people find it to be completely comforting and acceptable to hug and kiss upon the first meeting. While others find it to be invasive and uncomfortable. It varies in individuals. Therefore, what might be acceptable and comfortable for you might not be for others. This is why it is crucial to set boundaries and let others know of your limits. It is completely okay to inform others of your limits
and your wants of space.
Healthy physical boundaries may sound like these:
- I feel uncomfortable with hugs. Shall we shake hands instead?
- Do not touch my face without my permission.
- My room is my personal space. Could you knock on the door before entering?
When you find yourself in physical situations that bring about anxiety and discomfort, there is a chance your physical boundary is being violated. Being firm and vocal on your boundary can help make you feel safe and confident.
2. Emotional boundaries
Emotional boundaries address the limits of your internal emotional experience. Setting emotional boundaries helps you to recognize just how much emotional energy you are capable of taking in from others. Alongside other emotional interactions that could drain your energy. To know your emotional boundary is to now when to share and when not to share information to others. Knowing when to limit emotional sharing to people that respond poorly is also a form of emotional boundary.
Respecting emotional boundaries would mean validating feelings of others and respecting their abilities to take in informational information.
These are some examples of violations of emotional boundary:
- When you take responsibility for other people’s feelings and actions
- Allowing other people’s feelings dictate yours
- By sacrificing your own (emotional) needs to please others
- “Emotionally dumping” on others without their consent
- Criticizing, dismissing and invalidating feelings
It is crucial to be aware of your limits and your tolerance level of your emotional experience with others. Otherwise, it could deteriorate your mental health.
Healthy emotional boundaries may sound like these:
- I’m going through something difficult myself. I am not in a place to take in more
information and hear out what is on your mind. Do you think we can come back to
having this conversation later? - Something terrible happened to me last night. Do you think you are in a place to
listen? - I’m aware that we don’t go through the exact same thing in life. But whenever you
dismiss my struggles and problems, it makes me feel invalidated and bad. - After listening to a friend’s struggles, I am allowed to emotionally recuperate by
going to a party without feeling guilty
3. Sexual boundaries
Sexual boundaries address the importance of consent, respect and understanding of preferences, desires and privacy. Setting sexual boundaries are important in all types of relationships you have. Be it between friends, or even your spouses. Sexual boundaries could include the discussion of contraceptives and asking for consent.
Violations of sexual boundaries include:
- Unwanted touch
- Not asking for consents
- Sulking, punishing or providing an ultimatum when someone does not want to engage in sexual acts
- Lying about contraceptive use
- Lying about health history
Everyone’s sexual preferences and desires differ. It is important to recognize yours and communicate them across your sexual partner(s) when engaging in sexual acts
to ensure your safety and comfort.
Healthy sexual boundaries sound like these:
- “Is this comfortable for you?”
- “Would you be open to trying out this?”
- “Would you like me to use a condom?”
- “Could we cuddle instead?”
Don’t be afraid to communicate your desires and your limits to your partners. Voice out and be consistent with your boundaries. Don’t stay quiet to please others at the
expense of your own health and happiness.
4. Time boundaries
Time boundary addresses your time. Everyone else has different priorities which means they utilize their time differently on different things. Setting time boundaries means understanding your priorities and managing it well to prevent overcommitting. It is important to set boundaries be it at work, home or socially. Understanding your priorities helps to limit the amount of time you give to others.
Violations of time boundary looks like these:
- Being tasked to stay overnight in the office to finish up more work
- Having to wait for someone who is late for an appointment without being given a heads up
- Calling someone in the middle of the night and asking them to stay on the phone for an unreasonable amount of hours
- Asking professionals for their time without any pay
Healthy practice of time boundary looks something like these:
- I can only stay for two hours. I have another schedule after this.
- I would love to assist you in this project but I’m currently overbooked. Some other time?
- Do you have time to spare? Would you like to go shopping with me?
- Thank you for approaching me. I’d be glad to help. My hourly rate is…
Overcommitting could negatively affect your physical and mental health. It is imperative that you don’t take on more stuff that you can carry. Delegating and prioritizing items on your list helps you recognize what is important and requires your immediate attention and what is not.
5. Material boundaries
Material boundaries address your personal material possessions such as your car, money, home, etc. To have material boundaries is to have limits on how your possessions are treated, or when they can or cannot be used by others. It is perfectly okay to decide who you are comfortable sharing your personal items with, or if you don’t want to share at all. You don’t have to justify why. If your items are being used without your permission, stolen or destroyed, it is perfectly acceptable to have a reaction over it. This is because your material boundary is obviously being violated.
